January 2013
6 posts
True Love
Here is a nice little message I received. To clarify, a4a = a dating sight adam 4 adam….and manhunt is also a dating app, the tagline is, “See his pics and hookup on the go.” MIND YOU, I HAVE NEVER EVER VISITED THOSE SITES! (I did tonight to get that tagline quote).
“need make some new friends, seems like okcupid better than a4a or manhunt. you seems like a nice person, hi...
Friday, January 18, 2013
I’m not exactly sure what I expected. I’m not exactly sure how to explain this.
Remember how I needed to get “checked”? Here is the story.
I left work early and took the bus toward a huge crisis hospital in Seattle. This place is where most of the trauma victims and low-income patients go. The bus ride became more racially and socioeconomically diverse as we passed through certain Seattle...
2 tags
Sooner or Later?
So, he contacted me…about six days later. I wasn’t sure what kind of email or text I would receive, but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t expecting the three-paragraph email he sent me last night.
I read the first sentence of the second paragraph first…and my jaw dropped to the floor. I then read the first paragraph and realized I wasn’t the only one in his life. Then I read the third paragraph and felt...
Never a Dull Moment
You know those nights where you don’t even have a wink of tiredness, but you know you should be asleep because work tomorrow will come sooner than you’d want? That’s what’s happening right now. I was lying in bed, listening to Tibetan monk singing bowls, and I felt so wrestles, so wrestles to write…because I had all the dates and non-dates going through my head.
First, let’s talk a little bit...
2 tags
It's a long, long story
I’ll post soon. But in the mean time, enjoy this little nugget from an OkCupid aficionado (I really hope things work out!):
November 2012
1 post
After a Long Pause, It's Time to Say Hello
I made pasta tonight. I didn’t eat it. I think I made such a huge batch because I was lonely…just wishing to share it with someone. It’s now sitting on my stovetop cold; I haven’t touched it, which makes the whole thing a little more dreary.
I drank a beer tonight. It wasn’t enough. It never is enough.
It was election night last night. Same-sex marriage passed in...
October 2012
1 post
Lunch with the one I thought I loved
He’s back. He returned this Sunday. You know him as Date #2. Not much has changed, except for the fact that we are both so disinterested in the other that we can barely hold a conversation. Most of what we had to say was so disingenuous that my skin was crawling. We met on the corner downtown and walked to the market to eat our lunch. He ate his at work…so he watched me eat mine. It...
September 2012
5 posts
Dr. Phil, I am.
So, I’m not sure if you, the reader, are gay or not…or know much about issues that come up with people struggling with sexual identity…but it can be a big deal. Like an all-consuming fight to stay alive. I have received a couple of emails from people ‘in the closet’ and were ready to blow their heads off, literally — when I was in college I somehow became a...
This is the shit...
I have to put up with messages like these:
Hello my fellow Homo Sapiens Sapien, how are you this evening? xp
What the hell does that mean?
Guess Who's Back
It’s never easy to just pick up where I left off. However it’s probably the easiest thing I have done in a long time.
You may think that I haven’t written for a lack of material. I shit you not, there has been an abundance of material.
Let me first talk about that fag in San Francisco who I thought was pretty damn good looking. He seemed real nice. In fact he is real nice....
New Boy
Sooooo, I was in San Francisco this weekend. Annnd it popped up on my OkCupid app that this guy, Spencer, was close in proximity to me.
Oh! Also, i wasn’t there to party. I was visiting friends and spending the weekend with my family.
Anyway.
We ended up sending, “hi” messages back and forth. And now we send text messages every once in a while.
He is a high school teacher...
I'm Back
HI.
I will write more soon. All you need to know now is that I found my 99% match on OkCupid. This is a very rare occurence to actually find someone with such a high match percentage.
I am swooning over this pirate…
You want to see a picture of [screen name] “benofficial” (play on words, I assume)?
August 2012
2 posts
I don't know
I think we are seeing the beginning of the end of things with date #2, as he is called. It has been three full months since we have been, more or less, together.
This weekend I just went on my dream camping trip with him. It was a 12 mile hike up to an isolated lake in the mountains. We were by ourselves and skinny dipped, sunbathed on logs in the water and drank wine. All of the makings for a...
July
Really, I’m sorry.
It has been a hell of a long time, and I have not written.
To be honest, it has been a fucking hard and interesting month.
For example, it’s a Tuesday at 9:43p.m. and I am drinking beers like water.
For some reason I don’t know how to navigate through this shit…and this sea is rough.
This month saw my first time having sex with a guy. It was...
July 2012
3 posts
More From OkCupid...
I would add pictures of these two guys, but OkCupid tells them if I visit their profile…and I don’t want that.
I will only share their profile names…I must attract them:
GingerComplex
TallGinger
Slow and Steady
I love to camp more than anything in the world.
I love guys who love to camp more than anything in the world.
And I combined the two this weekend.
Fuck ya.
Just imagine me, him and his black labrador. Leaving work early, cruising in the sunny Friday afternoon, and happiness radiating from our beings.
Arrive at the campsite. Go for a walk with a backpack full of beers. Find a rock to sit...
A whole lot to catch up on
Remember my little personal dilema of trying to relax and face this whole relationship without fear of failing? It’s working. I basically have my initial irrational reaction, then react exactly the opposite way I would have previously. I started to believe in myself and what I had to offer. I had to accept the risk I was taking. I had to have a couple of tearful breakdowns in order for me to...
June 2012
13 posts
How it works out.
Here is the deal. True, it sucks when I feel sick and lonely and worried and a million other things. But, again, here’s the deal. Most of those things were perceptions about myself in terms of old relationships. Old fears. Old doubts. I’m not saying that I still don’t have those barriers and fears and shit. I do. What has changed is the fact that I need to rethink the way...
5 tags
Almost Sick
Yesterday he brought two turkey sandwiches for us during our shared lunch break. I thought it was sweet of him.
Last night he made me dinner.
And I finally had the gumption to tell him he was sending mixed signals, “Why do you kiss me sometimes and only hug me at others?” He said, “I sometimes feel like kissing and sometimes don’t.” I told him I was having a hard...
Pride
Here is the moral of the story.
It’s pride weekend in Seattle. He and I spent all day Saturday together.
Things seemed to be going exceedingly well. We skipped two bbq invitations just so we could make out and generally just spend time together. It was wonderful, we felt like a couple.
The evening was spent at an outdoor blockparty. And this is where things get tricky. We’re...
Dinnerz
Last night I took a bus one hour to his house.
He already had the shish kabobs ready for the grill.
We cracked open a beer. I love those after-work-beers…They always seem to start the night.
It took g.d. forever to get everything cooked and ready to eat. Part of the way we worked in the kitchen and at the grill made it seem like we were an old married couple or just awkward friends....
5 tags
Gaslighting
Part of this post stems from conversations I have had with friends who are dating people…both are in the initial month or so of their relationship. I have taken examples from a few of their experiences, as they have related quite closely with my own.
I don’t get my hopes up, anymore, about Date #2, it hurts too badly. Actually, I do get them up, I guess I’m denying the fact...
5 tags
The Bullshit Isn't Bullshit
I don’t want to talk about this because I feel vulnerable and strange and confused at why the sky isn’t falling.
On the bus ride down I asked myself what the weekend would bring. “It’s going to be good but hard,” was the answer. I didn’t know when or what the good and hard would be…but I knew I needed to go. I knew I needed to understand it all. So, with...
6 tags
Making the leap
Call it pure freedom. Call it desperation. I’m currently on the greyhound bus to Portland to see my man. I took off after work. Jumped on the dirty bus, with dirty people, heading to experience god knows what. I figure that I am relatively terrified to take the leap to visit him…as I find this outside my character to just “see what happens.” I mean, I literally just bought...
5 tags
The Stalemate
I don’t exactly know how to go into this. It doesn’t feel weird because it is my true, honest life. Although reality seems strange most times, I think there comes a time when accepting it all makes more peaceful sense than fighting it all.
fuck
As you know, men have sex. You know how they have it. However, some men to not always like to be on the receiving end of the conversation....
8 tags
The Flow
It’s funny how things ebb and flow with time. Same thing with emotions; how I feel about other people, how I feel about myself. There comes a time, I guess it’s now at 23 years or something like that, when I’m saying, “I should be too old for shit like this” or “haven’t I already dealt with this?” It’s like we have gone through life learning,...
May 2012
33 posts
6 tags
OK whatthefuck
Alright.
Here’s the deal. We talk every day. We’re the last people to text each other at night and the first to text in the morning…at least, that’s how it is from my side.
It has been well over a week since we went on our dates…and I have been ceaselessly on cloud nine ever since.
Now, I’m not sure how to read this motherfucker.
Here is a text I will...
The DATE
OHMYGOD.
The date went amazingly. Like, we were both lost in each other the whole dinner…eating tacos and drinking beer….literally no one else existed…Then we walk to get ice cream and go on a little walk around the streets. Then he’s like, “not to get fresh with you, but how about you come over to my house and we watch South Park.” So romantic. Watch one...
5 tags
When to Phone
You know how you know when you’re texting too aggressively? When he responds an hour later, and you reply a minute later. Embarrassing. But sometimes, I just want to talk with him…this whole thing is difficult to gauge.
When to phone…once the texting picks up. Natuarally he has time to rapid-text and is interested in the conversation.
Now, finally we were around to texting...
9 tags
Date #2 with Date #2
You wouldn’t believe how natural and easy this all went.
I was more nervous about finding parking near the restaurant than going on a first date with this guy. Maybe this could be from just going through the first-date-nerves last Saturday…or maybe the Powers that Be have tuned the energies of the world to make things work out.
I didn’t worry about flowers, topics of...
“Brunch is the best first date”
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Believe It or not.
Tomorrow is date #2 with Date #2.
All signs point to the fact that I would like this granola making, learned writing, funny man….but life is always twisting, awlays pushing and pulling, always exposing fears and conquering them….I wonder if he’ll stay along for the ride.
*** this post was from friday night…and I fell asleep writing it.
The Damn TEXTING
I’m sure you have dealt with this before, the texting of someone you have a crush on.
Last night was my first phone call with Date #2. I know, we’re there. As fate would have it, I had a few beers and was on a city bus to a concert with another friend…so I was distracted and decidedly quiet, fearing I’d say something stupid. We actually talked for about 20 minutes, and...
This Seattle School
So, there is a college in Seattle that has only two programs of Psychology and Theology.
Cool.
It is a 2 year program where people get their master’s degree in either of those two areas of study. Oddly I know three people who are going there this fall…and incidentally two more current students; I’ll explain.
Date #1 began to describe to me his master’s...
7 tags
Pastor's Kid
What I have learned about online dating is that 1) People are usually very friendly, 2) People are more open through email, 3) Writing ability is usually a good gauge on if I want to meet them in real life.
I also learn profound things about life through exchanges with people in my “boat.” I feel like I get a rare glimpse into the perspective of 20-somethings trying to figure out...
What I Put Up With
Here is my message of the day!
“just needed to say, your facial genetics are amazing.
im mirin son”
I assume mirin = admiring. Although I never know what I can asume about online dates.
Below are some highlights from Timmy’s OkCupid profile. Gluten intolerance :( — Also, check out his Typical Friday Night…he must be at an outdoor gym and club.
My...
What I Like About You
Date #2 sent this in an email today:
…I’m making homemade granola bars! Yes, granola bars made in my home. I’m not at all a baker, but I live off granola bars, so I thought I’d give it a try. And I’m sure you don’t care….
sweeping me off my feet.
This was the follow-up email:
Really, really bad news. The granola bars are gross. As in oily, crumbly...
135 Lines...of gchat
Date #2 finally gchatted with me. We’ve gone from static email, to the dynamic, real-time, unpunctuated who-gives-a-damn-about-grammar G-CHAT!
From 10:46 to 11:25 we tried to be funny, smart, and coy. It was absolutely pathetic.
Here are some excerpts:
Michael: I’m full of surprises, Eric. Actually, I just put two asterisks around the word gasp…and it did some bolding. Who...
Turnover Rate...
I woke up thinking about how to end things well with Date #1. I was quite resolved it should stop now before anything real really starts.
My options:
1) Break the news to him in person (…no chance in hell)
2) Call him (…voices! conversation! terrifying)
3) Text him (validation of being a real POS)
I opted for the second…a phone call. Here I am, on a walk with my dog, and I...
Latest Message
Just got a short message from a new guy. Looked at his profile:
“I’d rather be cute then sexy. Cute lasts longer then sexy!
Just finishing up my cosmetology program”
I really don’t think I’ll email back.
